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The Day My Lover Went POOF!

William R. Holmes, as a Magician
Image by Wisconsin Historical Images via Flickr

I’ve always enjoyed watching magic tricks. And vanishing acts are my personal favourite.  Making something disappear into thin air in front of watchful eyes is quite an incredible feat. It defies all scientific laws we know of. And what thrilling entertainment it makes.

Everybody loves a bit of magic. But when a lover turns magician and suddenly goes ‘POOF’ before one can say abracadabra,  it doesn’t feel magical at all.

I was seeing Mr Diavolo (aka Mr Tradie)  just over two months when he suddenly vanished into thin air.

Now, he’s there. Now he’s not. POOF!

It was early Saturday morning when I was woken by an unexpected text greeting. Mr Diavolo sent me a good-morning text and called me his ‘baby’. It instantly put a smile on my face. What a way to start the weekend! I was a happy girl. I casually replied three hours later (I have a life of my own), which is not at all unusual in our case. I didn’t hear back from him that day but I wasn’t concerned. And so off I went with my chores for the day, dance practice and meeting up with friends.

Sunday evening came and no text. Now that’s unusual.  Then finding myself locked out of my house that night, I decided to contact him. And as I waited for a response (a call-back, a text message… something!), the phantom rings from my iPhone was like the moaning sound of a woman faking an orgasm. You hear it but it ain’t real.  (You can read about it in Tradies, iPhones and Sex.)

It was then I realised Mr Diavolo had gone POOF!

No phone call, no voicemail, no text, no email. Nothing. Not even a post-it note. And it left me feeling terribly confused, frustrated and annoyed. What a hurtful thing to do.

‘Poofing’ is a common dating phenomenon where a man or a woman simply disappears – no explanation, no goodbye, not even good luck. It’s bad dating behaviour but it’s all too common because it’s all too easy. And we have all done it at least once in our dating lives. I know I have. And there are many reasons why we suddenly go ‘poof’.

I recently ‘poofed’ on a guy after going on date number one because I simply didn’t like him. There was no spark so I just left it at that – no explanation. I quietly disappeared into the night and didn’t return his calls.

In Mr Diavolo’s case, it was over two months of texting, calling, coffees, dinner, Skyping and swapping … er … flirtatious mobile pictures, albeit no talks of exclusivity. We’re both mature adults so things needn’t be complicated. Mr Diavolo tickled my giblets and things appeared as though the feeling was mutual. So the vanishing act was an unwelcome surprise.

Perhaps he met a raven-haired exotic sex bomb, looked into her eyes on Skype and saw the woman who will one day bear the heirs to the business empire he works so hard for to create.

Good for him.

Or perhaps he is married or in a relationship and he simply got caught – I don’t believe his iPhone is password-protected.

Shame on him.

Or perhaps, he fell 500 metres from a crane on one of his construction projects and he is now lying somewhere on a hospital bed fighting for his life while I curse him on my blog.

Shame on me.

Nonetheless, he went ‘poof’ and I have no idea why.

So I am left with no alternative but to fill in the blanks and speculate. And I can only come to one highly considered, undeniable, irrevocable truth: Mr Diavolo is a little slimy dickhead with peanuts for balls.

I feel better now.

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Posted in Break up, Dating, Love + Sex, Singlehood.

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  1. john says

    I wish everything i read on the internet was just as informing, Great Job!! keep it up

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